"Obsessed With Childhood" by Bif Naked

I have to tell you I am obsessed with my childhood.   I
never pooped.  I'm serious, I hated pooing, I never did it. 
I refused to poo as child.  Mostly, I couldn't.  It wasn't
meat loaf, it wasn't chicken and rice, it wasn't six
hot-dogs at lunch with Kraft Dinner on top, it wasn't Sloppy
Joe's, it wasn't inactivity, I just never ever pooped.  My
parents had this house on Milinocket Court that had a
bathroom upstairs.  It had a door in the hallway and a door
in the master bedroom.  They used to close the hallway door,
open the bedroom door, sit me on the potty and pull the t.v.
in there you know, so I'd sit and watch and ?wait.  I mean
hours.  I must have been rotting insdie1  It would be like a
week in between.  You know, I discussed this at length with
my mom, and she was concerned thinking she fed me too much
meat and stuff.  But you know what I say, my two sisters had
no problem pooping, and they ate the same suppers.  It was
just me.  I was sick as a child, I mean I was always sick.  
If I fell off my bike and got a scrape, it would be
infected.  When I had the chicken pox, I was hospitalized
because each pock was infected.   Each one!  In my eyelids,
everywhere.  The nurses had to dab each pock with a
medicated cotton ball.  My dad used to take us camping, and
this one time I stepped on a dirty nail, you know, like
rusty, with my barefoot.  My whole hell became infected
(laughs).  It was hug! My heel was the size of a volleyball!
I had to go to the doctor and get it drained.  I was so
ticklish all the time it took 5 or  6 doctors and nurses to
hold me down and then the feeling of the lanced hell, and I
was screaming.  My older sister was laughing her head off,
right there.  I had scarletina this one time, and was
quarantined.  I had a tonsillectomy.  I even remember one
time in the hospital, of course for you know the reason.  A
nurse was trying to put a suppository in my rear end.  I was
squirming and wrigglin' and gigglin'.  You know,  cause I
was getting tickled.  Then I'd cry, c
ause I was all tense, you know, and it hurt.  Sooner or
later, I had to make a run for it to the bathroom.  Boy,
those nurses sure got mad at me for leavin' a trail. 
Someone's always mad, hey?  You know, I took lots of things
as a kid; ballet and jazz, dance, soccer, piano.  I was
always in trouble, always bein' a ham.  When I was 5 we were
all on the stage with these cardboard clocks like, you know,
two feet across, tied around us with string, like a sandwich
board.  We were all moving our arms back and forth, tick,
tock, tick, tock, tick, tock .  I was wearing red buckle
shoes, that I know.  Well, my string broke and the clock
fell off, night there on stage, I just stood there, frozen,
and bawling.  The teacher had to walk on to the stage and
carry me off.  You know, I reacted the same way when that
stagedivin' crowd surfer kicked my microphone into my teeth.
 Hey, the more things change.  I quit all of it eventually. 
Dance class cause I got lazy, soccer cause I grew boobs, and
piano cause my teac
her, Mrs. Davies, got mad at me and called me a stupid girl
and banged my hands on the keys.  You know I was even a
cheerleader.  Hey, in grade 6 in Kentucky it was a cool
thing. ?S-U-C-C-E-S-S, that's the way we spell success!'.  I
can't believe it.  (laughs) ?V-I-C-T-O-R-Y, victory, victory
is our cry gotta go'. That's how it went.  I don't really
remember the hand movements.  But, uh, I was never one of
the popular cheerleaders.  I remember this girl April was
very popular, and this other girl Jennifer was very popular.
  There were like, we were all in grade 6, but they had,
like, bodies of 17year old people.  And, and hey looked like
Farrah Fawcett, you know all blond with feathered hair and
endless teeth.  I didn't look like that.  I wonder if my dad
wouldn't have moved us around so much, what if I woulda turn
out different?  You know, normal?  Or am I?  I, I'm obsessed
with my childhood.  Cause I dont' think I'm fully grown up. 
Are you?  I mean really? I am my inner child.  I
 had to search for my inner adult.  And I'm still lookin'. 
I still eat 6 hot dogs for lunch, they're just vegetarian
now.