"Teenage Love on The Phone" by Adam Sandler

Performed by adam sandler and allen covert

Richie: so ya doin' good? 
Samantha: ya, I'm fine, how 'bout you? 
Richie: how good could I be? I haven't seen you in three
hours.
Samantha: ohhh, richie. hey richie, my dad's down the hall,
and he doesn't want me on the phone. so if I hang up on you,
it's just because he's coming.
Richie: ok. so look, uh, do you wanna meet at the spring
fling dance thi...
[she hangs up phone]

[phone rings]
Richie: hello? 
Samantha: sorry, I thought he was coming.
Richie: that's ok. so, about the dance. do you wanna meet
Samantha: umm, well my brother gets the car on friday
nights.
Richie: well that's ok, I'll come by and get you. lets say
around...
[she hangs up phone]
Richie: come on..

[phone rings]
Richie: hey.
Samantha: sorry. I guess he was just going to the bathroom.
Richie: that's ok. well look, uh.. what was I saying? oh
yeah, should I pick you up at like seven-thirty or maybe do
you wanna go later when the dance is really kickin..
[she hangs up the phone again]
Richie: give me a break...

[phone rings]
Richie: hello.
Samantha: sorry. it was just my dog.
Richie: hey, what's your dad's problem anyways!? why can't
we talk? 
Samantha: he just thinks I'm on the phone too much. oh my
god, uh, I gotta go.
Richie: don't hang up!
Samantha: richie, I can't talk!
Richie: no, I'm sick of this! put your dad on the phone! I
wanna talk to him.
Samantha: it's not my dad.
Richie: what? well, who's there? why can't you talk? 
Samantha: uh, just look richie, someone is here.
Richie: who's there? is it a guy!? 
Samantha: richie!
Richie: I knew it! I'll kill him! put him on the phone!
Samantha: oh.. it's just.. hold on.

[hands phone to guy]
Richie: hey man! what the hell are you doing there!?
samantha's my girl!
You'd better stay away from her or I'll make you wish you
were never born!
Buffoon: fuckin' shit!
Richie: yeah, fuckin' shit is right buddy! don't think I'm
kidding around, man! I'm crazy! I'll smash your head in! I
swear to god!
Buffoon: one time I saw my grandmother in the shower. her
bush starts above her belly button.
Richie: yeah, well that's too bad! but I'm still gonna come
over there and beat your face in!
[richie slams down phone]

Samantha: what happened? was he mad? 
Buffoon: my neighbor's dog has a four inch clit!
Samantha: oh buffoon, you're the coolest. [whispering] I
love you...