"The Buffoon And The Dean Of Admissions" by Adam Sandler

"And now a buffoon's meeting with the dean of admissions at
a prestigious college."

[Dean:] "Well Michael, I would like to extend my
warmest congradulations 
on your upcoming graduation and I understand 
you are interested in matriculating here in the fall."

[Buffoon:] "I got a snake, man!"

[Dean:] "Yes, pets are welcome here on campus. 
Be it the traditional dog, or cat, or even the occasional
reptile."

[Buffoon:] "One time I fed it some beer man! It was
slithering this way and that! 
It was all fucked up!"

[Dean:] "I'm sure it was. 
Well we discourage inappropriate drinking among both
students 
and pets here on campus."

[Buffoon:] "Fuckin' Shit!"

[Dean:] "Yes, that's a not uncommon reaction to this
policy. 
So tell me a little bit more about your background."

[Buffoon:] "My father's a fucking asshole, man!"

[Dean:] "Hmm, I see. Your feelings of rebelion are
not unusual at your age son."

[Buffoon:] "My mother's a piece of shit too!"

[Dean:] "Well, I hope you can find an outlet for your
hostility 
over the summer so you can come to school in the fall
relaxed 
and ready to learn."

[Buffoon:] "My teacher in high school was a stupid
bitch, man! 
She had her head way up her ass!"

[Dean:] "Well the quality of the faculty at a
University 
such as ours far exceeds that of a local public high
school."

[Buffoon:] "Your secretary's a real fat bitch, man!"

[Dean:] "Yes, she's tried many diets over the years
with minimal success."

[Buffoon:] "I had diarhea last month. I had to shit
all fucking day!"

[Dean:] "Uh huh, Well we all get the occasional
stomach bug, 
never a pleasurable experience. 
So have you given any thought to your choice of major?"

[Buffoon:] "I've got a big fucking boner right now."

[Dean:] "I see. Well sexual arrousal is not uncommon
during periods 
of nervous tension. I do not take offense."

[Buffoon:] "One time I ate my neighbors shit!"

[Dean:] "That's understandable. Well, I enjoyed
meeting you. 
We'll be sending you our decision by the end of the month."

[Buffoon:] "I bet you got really hairy balls."

[Dean:] "Yes, it's a veritable forest down there. Bye
bye."